Mother’s Day after divorce or separation can be tough, whether it’s your first time navigating it or you’ve been through it before. A day meant for celebrating motherhood can feel bittersweet if you’re spending it without your children or struggling to figure out plans with your ex.
If the day doesn’t fall during your usual time with the kids, working out an arrangement can be tricky, especially if things aren’t particularly amicable. In an ideal world, flexibility and understanding would make it easier, but we know that’s not always the case.
If you’re feeling a little anxious about Mother’s Day this year, you’re not alone. It may not look exactly how you imagined, but that doesn’t mean you can’t make it meaningful. Here are some ways to take control of the day, manage your emotions, and celebrate in a way that works for you.
Are you facing Mother’s Day without the kids?
As a mother, one of the key challenges of Mother’s Day is how you agree who the children will spend the day with if the date falls outside of your usual time with them.
Perhaps, it’s not your week or weekend to be with the children. In this situation, who the kids spend the day with very much depends on how amicable you and your ex-partner are.
Hopefully, in most cases, mutual flexibility and respect will be in place and you can easily agree that the kids can spend time with their Mum. However, we know this is not always possible which can be difficult to deal with.
Handling the emotions of a Mother’s Day without your children is going to be difficult. Of course, you would prefer to be with your children, but if you cannot then there some things you can put in place to help you deal with it as best you can.
1. Plan ahead for Mother’s Day
If Mother’s Day falls on a date when you wouldn’t usually be with your children, then some pre-planning can help. Talk to your ex-partner in advance to see if you can swap weekends/days so you can spend the day with your children, and ensure that you do the same for Father’s Day.
Perhaps you could agree how you will deal with days that are important to your and your ex-partner in your parenting plan and ensure that the same rules apply to each of you.
2. Mother’s Day your way
Does Mother’s Day really have to be on a specific date? Not at all! Take charge and plan your own special Mother’s Day when you have the kids. Involve them in choosing something fun to do together, it can make the day more meaningful and ease any discomfort they may feel.
3. No cards and presents
If your children are pre-school age, a card and gift may not be likely. Older children may make a homemade card at school and perhaps friends or family will step in so that you’re treated to a surprise gift. However, why not buy your own gift? At least you can get something that you truly like!
4. Do something different with your Mother’s day after divorce
Take the opportunity to do something different with your time. Gather your friends for who aren’t mothers, or for whom Mother’s Day is difficult, and arrange a meal or day out. If possible, spend time with your own Mum and enjoy some dedicated time together. Or go to that place you’ve wanted to go to for a while but haven’t found the time yet. Visiting a new place does wonders to lift your mood.
5. Stay off social media
Take a digital detox for the day and avoid social media. Seeing pictures of others enjoying time with their children may make you feel worse and knock you off course with your alternative Mother’s Day. And remember, people share the highlights of their lives on social media. It’s a cherry-picked snapshot rather the reality of the whole day.
6. Remember, Mother’s Day is one day
Finally, Mother’s Day is just one day and you are not alone. It can be tough for all kinds of reasons. Shift the focus away from the day itself and put your energy into prioritising yourself and making it your own.
If you are finding it difficult to deal with Mother’s Day after divorce or separation, Relate has some useful tools and advice on its website.
Being a single mom, it is the most challenging thing to manage. Life become so cruel and no one else can understand how much strength it needs to survive just for the sake of your child